I’m asked this all the time. So rather then make you search all over my blog for the answer I’ll explain it here.
Once upon a time in a land far, far away……
I grew up thinking that I wanted the white picket fence, the home, the dog in the yard, the children, the husband, and I wanted to be home raising those kids until they moved out. As I grew older and reality set in I quickly realized I was going down a different path. While I love my children dearly I have a very hard time giving up who I am and just being “mom”. While I love my husband very much I have a hard time just being “wife”. I still wanted to be me. I was ready to run away from it all. To put the icing on the cake my husband and I are very different sexually and I was feeling like I was going to cheat on him to find the sexual side of things I was lacking at home. It wasn’t fair of me to go to my husband with all of these issues and demand that he change everything about him to make me happy. He can’t change that we had children, he can’t change that I wasn’t happy. That was my job. I’m responsible for my happiness. I’ve always known deep down that my husband is who I want to grow old with, raise my children with, but he can’t be my everything and I needed some relief from my world because it wasn’t keeping me happy like I thought it would. I don’t like baking cupcakes, I don’t want to be on the PTA, and I’m a pretty down to earth, laid back mom. I wasn’t being a good mom as unhappy as I was. So I did some research online about cheating and found an article on open marriage and I thought it over and did a ton of research and one day I approached my husband with the facts, and asked if we could try it. I gave him the same time I gave myself to figure it out and with hesitance, and heavy hearts from both of us, we went in and it’s evolved ever since.
It’s saved our marriage. It’s kept me able to be with the person I cherish most in the world. The father of my children, my best friend, and my partner in life. It’s not always roses, but we make it through. I never thought I’d go in to this and have it wind up where it is now and I wish I had started blogging from the beginning. I never guessed it would wind up with me being polyamorous and my husband being ok with that and trying to figure out if he’s polyamorous as well or just likes the simpleness of an open marriage.
What would I have done if he had said no? We’ll never know, because he didn’t. You can start reading from the beginning here.
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Thank you for your blog. My wife and I are just starting out on this venture and the reasons she came to me is pretty much the same as yours. You’ve gave me confidence to believe she still loves me and that we can make it.
Thanks
Good luck on your path!! And you’re welcome
WOW. I just found this site and started reading… it was like you were writing about ME!
I just can’t believe the similarities. I’m not alone! I’m not crazy! thank you thank you thank you !!!! I have yet to have “the talk” with my hubby. Now, I at least have somewhere to go to see how it could be and to know that i’m not alone.
I really look forward to reading more.
Good luck on your path
Thanks for reading.
Glad to find your blog. We have been open for about 10 years of our 15 year marriage and our relationship continues to grow and thrive. Likely not a choice for everyone but it has only enhanced things for us.
I’m glad I found your site. I wanted to start a blog right from the start about our decision to have an open marriage. I researched in google and the first link I found was a post called “open divorce”.. opps
After reading though I found out that they lasted 18 years! I’ll take that as a success. Like when you said “what would have happened if he had said no?” I would imagine that an unsatisfied and unhappy wife would eventually lead to major problems soon enough.
Besides, it’s what is right for the present moment. Fearing the future or regretting the past is futile, in my opinion.
i.ll go back to reading your blog now..
** update ** I screwed up my email address so i redid my comment.
i am so happy to have found your blog. my husband and i have discussed this option several times.
i have had affairs in the past (well, and present), and got very emotionally connected to one years ago. we kept our affair (of over 4 years) compartmentalized, but fell in love physically and mentally anyway.
so i was wondering, how do you keep that from happening? from getting too connected when you talk and see them over time?
Love your blog!
Thanks!!!!