Blah

Posted on October 16, 2011 by

Oh man I’m so blah lately. The Indian is fun, introduced him to my friend, but it’s starting to lose the new and shiny and no matter how nice he is, I can’t keep letting myself get so swept up by him, it’s just not going to lead me anywhere good. We aren’t looking for the same things long term and I’m finding myself getting jealous when I know he’s seeing other women. He’ll always be one of those people that you have in your life that is something special, and a wonderful friend, but man something isn’t right if I’m getting jealous. I don’t want to mess with that. It makes me cranky and unfun. He’s picking up on it too. So I think since things are so stressed everywhere else I’m just putting too much in to the Indian and that isn’t really what we went in hoping for. It’s what it has turned in to for me, but I’m sending him too many mixed signals so I’m going to try to pull back a bit for both our sake’s. Our sex was off today too. That’s not normal for us. Although we did have some awesome sex while we were together this weekend, we officially had our first bad sex, and well we all know what happens when I start to get bad sex. Nothing good.

Starting to worry I may be spending too much time away from home as well in regards to the kids. Not that it’s something they aren’t used to. Weekends have always kind of been when I’m busiest but I might be pushing the limits a little much with this and I think it’s time to get things under control a bit, but man he’s so fun to be with, and so nice, and 99% of the time the sex is really great. I’m not sure what’s happening. All of  sudden after the bad sex this morning though it was like I saw that not everything is perfect and it snapped me out of my new and shiny cloud and it’s perhaps time to pull back. However, man I’m so bored. I have school studies I could be doing, but I don’t want to, football is on, but I’m not interested. Took the kids out and about and so I’m done with that. Husband is playing WOW while we watch football and I’m dinking around online. This is just too boring for me. I think the fact I’ve been drinking so much lately is taking an effect on my meds and they aren’t working as well. They warned me that would happen. Perhaps I’m getting a glimpse of the truth in that. I dunno, but man I’m restless. And I’m lonely, even after a whole weekend with the Indian I just want to crawl right back in to that hotel bed and have his arms around me again. Or would I even care if it was anyone’s arms? I dunno, I need to find some other arms so I can test it out. I was sure I was going to start whoring it up this week, but I didn’t get out and do it. The Indian is so fun that I’d just rather go with the fun thing then a possible bad first date again. It’s so nice to not have to be going on a million lame ass first dates that I’ve stopped looking. I turned my profiles back on again and am getting a nice, steady, flow of emails so perhaps that’ll give me a glimpse as to what I want to do over here with myself. Doesn’t seem to make a difference if I’m home or not so I’m almost tempted to just go out again tonight, but that can’t be ok. Oh man it’s fucked up.

I don’t want to go to school anymore either. It’s stupid. I learn more about how to help people with sex by having sex than I am through some of these dumb classes I’m in that have NOTHING to do with my degree or goal to become a sex therapist. Shit I learn more from attending a 2 hour class from Midori, than I have in the 2 months I’ve been going to school. So lame. It makes me bitter. Which then makes me negative, which then makes my shrink yell at me for being all negative and unkind to myself. Fuck that. I want to just sit in the corner and whine like a crybaby lately. Poor, poor me. Oh man it’s just pathetic over here. Blah!

I’m bored with running too. It’s dull. I don’t wanna do it anymore. I’m signed up for a 5k this month and I’m totally not in the mood to go and do it. I’d drop out if it wasn’t that I’m signed up with 2 of my friends who would give me a hard time if I didn’t finish it.

And I’m horny as fuck. I gave him a rocking ass blow job last night and we couldn’t connect with sex this morning so I’m just left here all deprived. I’ve never seen someone need so many things to be right before he can have sex. Coffee, not too much food from the night before in his stomach, enough sleep. It’s sex, just drop your fucking pants, get your cock out and I will do the rest if I have to. Shit.

Maybe it’s my lack of angry, choking, beat me up sex. He’s getting closer to being a little rough but he gets so nervous that he’s hurting me that it’s taking the Indian too long to get even 1/2 of what I like. He fucked my throat pretty awesome last night but as much as I love giving a blow job, his cock is curved and it’s more work than I like and so it’s not as fun for me as normal. I’m constantly concerned my teeth are bumping him so I’m super focused and I just can’t enjoy it as much. And it’s fucking hard to be on your knees on the floor and fucking a dick with your mouth that is not working with the shape of your mouth. Luckily I still love the reaction a man gives to my blow jobs that I still kinda like doing it, but not as much as I normally do.

My friends seemed to like him though, and the Indian seemed super honored that I wanted my friends to meet him, but man one of them noticed that it is very obvious between the two of us that one of us is forgetting I’m married. I think it switches back and forth from me to him who forgets, but either way. I’m in over my head. I can’t have another Man Whore situation. I just can’t. I don’t really have the power to stop it though, but I’m going to try. And so I guess I’m going to have to try to not want to be a whore and get some sex, but even the shrink says that I’m just wired to love sex, and love it a lot. It’s one of the perks of being bi-polar; our orgasms are more intense than a non bi-polar person. Hah suckers.

See look at my jumping around in my thoughts for this post. My medicine isn’t working like normal. I’m pretty sure it’s my Coors Light. Nothing is working right over here. Poor me.

Posted in I need sex, I need therapy, Mr. India, My husband, Open Marriage Problems, So I started therapy | 3 Comments

Yum Indian sex

Posted on October 11, 2011 by

Last week he came over to my house as I have it to myself from time to time during the day. Oh it was so wonderful. We fucked like rabbits.

I’ve come to learn that he is outside of the norm for his culture in his sexual freedom, but I am glad that’s the way it is. He’s awesome in bed and is so eager to learn anything that I can show him. The way he hops from position to position just based off of something he saw in a book is absolutely adorable.

We’ve been experimenting with positions because his cock is so curved that it’s often limiting on some of the things we can do, but when we find just the right thing, holy fuck I orgasm like crazy. It’s amazing. Ladies; if you’ve never fucked a man with a curved cock, go find one. It blows my mind. I’ve not had anything be able to hit the g-spot like that before and it’s neat to be doing something I’ve never done before. That list is pretty short so it can be sometimes challenging to accomplish. One of the challenges though is the blow job. I’ve got to get in just the right position, and when I blew him in the car the other day, I couldn’t get to that position, so I had to really pay attention to where things were hitting in my mouth. It took some of the fun out of it for me, until I saw his reaction to doing something so risky in public lol sometimes his innocence in some things is cute, and then other times I think he’s full of shit. I really don’t believe he’s as innocent as he says but whatever, a good time takes away that care to know that.

He licks my pussy like a mad man too. When he’s done he’s got this look on his face like he was just served the best meal he’s ever eaten. I’ve never had someone appreciate my body, and the way I taste, and the softness of my skin the way he does. He spent all day enjoying each and every inch of it. I’m teaching him the art of fucking the g-spot with his fingers ever so perfectly. Which is fabulous because next to fucking it’s my favorite thing.

I’m just avoiding the house. The husband doesn’t really want to go back to therapy with me, and I don’t feel like dealing with it right now. I have work and school going on and I think my mind is too empty to deal with it. Someone keeps bitching at me in the comments to the blog and lecturing me so I’m sure that’ll really float their boat to know I’m just avoiding the whole thing. Nobody said I’m perfect (ok well I am at sex. I mean c’mon now ;) so bitch away all you want. I’m very well aware that I’m not doing everything correctly in open marriage/marriage land right now. I can only do so much. And I’m only one person and right now I’m just too mentally overloaded to fuck with it. I’d just rather release some stress with my sexy Indian. I suck. I know. Fuck it.

Posted in Mr. India, My husband, Sex | 3 Comments

I’ve lost my way

Posted on October 6, 2011 by

I’ve just completely fallen away from everything that I’ve worked so hard for up to this point. I’ve focused so much on dating the Indian, that I have lost focus on everything else. Went to see the handy, dandy therapist this morning and it appears I may be partying it up and drinking a bit too much lol However, when you’re stressed about working, going to school full time, and the kids, and then trying to fit a new boyfriend in there you tend to latch on to something that’s relaxing. I thought the new boyfriend would be super relaxing, but it’s not because I’ve gotten too hooked.

Time to get unhooked. I was talking today about how I plan to get unhooked by reverting back to my ways that helped me acheive what I have so far in the last year……and that was to have random relationships and not get serious and just enjoy my fun time with less attachment. I’m not going to run away from the Indian, but I’m not going to spend so much of my thoughts and free time focused on him. It’ll be nice to have some random sex stories to talk about on this blog again. Not that I couldn’t be telling you all about the sex with the Indian, but there’s so much of it that it has all meshed together. He did attempt choking me. He wasn’t comfortable so that was the end of that. I tried to get a threesome with another guy I’m sorta seeing and he wussed out on that, he’s tried some viagra just for fun. I don’t know why he wanted to. He doesn’t need it. His cock is so beautifully curved and long lasting that he doesn’t need any assistance. He’s coming over to fuck me all day tomorrow. Maybe I’ll write about that sex.

Spoke to the shrink about the open marriage too and she keeps pounding home that an open marriage can’t be successful without both parties participating and since my husband chooses to participate by having the time to play his World of Warcraft, there is nothing I can do about that. I hope she’s right.

Posted in Mr. India, My husband, Open Marriage, So I started therapy | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

New and shiny

Posted on October 4, 2011 by

That’s what the therapist calls it when I find a new man to have a relationship with. If you look back in time I’ve only had 2 other serious relationships. One with the Man Whore, and the other with a younger guy who eventually started to wait for me to get divorced. Mr. Indian will be the third. He’s new and shiny. Oh so shiny. He’s a wonderful man, so kind, so respectful, so intelligent, so amazing. The list could go on forever.

The new and shiny really makes it hard to enjoy the old and rusted. I’m grouchy when I come home from a night with Mr. Indian because I’m disappointed that our time together is over. I’m inconsiderate as to the family schedule when it comes to seeing him because I just want to be with him every moment. I’m having a hard time to find the balance with this one. The new and shiny needs to fade away a little bit so that I don’t wind up becoming bitter at home. I’m trying to “strike a balance” as he says about his own life. He says it constantly. I’m not sure I’m ready for the balance striking as I want to enjoy this new and shiny for a while longer. It’s been a very long time since I’ve had it. It’s a beautiful thing, but it sure makes my marriage look less appealing with every passing day. That’s not good. Since I don’t really have anyone to ask around and see if that’s normal when someone else finds a new and shiny it’s a little bit of rough waters to tread through. I hope to figure it out soon. I’ve been noticeably more distant and cranky with my husband and that needs to stop. Or is that normal when you see the grass on the other side and are so in awe of it that you forget to remember it’s not always greener over there?

I’m anxious to see how long this takes to figure out. I think it’s crucial in my open marriage path to be able to share with others when I’m sought out for help in my career when I’m officially a sex therapist. It’ll be a great amount of knowledge to have in my experience bank. I just wish I didn’t have to travel the path alone. I’ve got my own sex therapist but it’s not really the same as getting to watch someone do the exact same thing. I’m at least following her advice as best I can since that’s about all I’ve got. I’m just not sure I always agree with her advice. Or maybe I just don’t want to hear it hmmmm

Posted in Dealing with open marriage woes, Marriage, Mr. India, My husband, Open Marriage Problems | 4 Comments